By Sally Mulligan, PQ Monthly
There’s a big shift in the air every spring; half the people I know are up and getting hitched and having kids. A lot of us have deeply mixed feelings about weddings and marriage. Like, “What am I gonna get married in?” Even as a little baby femme, I didn’t do too much dreaming about my future nuptials or designing of my wedding dress, and there’s a good chance that that was because (spoiler alert!) I was as queer as snow in August, and marriage was for the het-setters. But the times are a-changing, and it looks to be that soon all of us queermos will be able to merge our assets wherever we damn please. Whether it’s what your love looks like, or for tax purposes, or a reason to throw a fierce party where all your friends are on the list, or whatever other reason suits your life, you might as well turn a look on your big day. (Do queers do it any other way?)
If you’re going a traditional route, or taking your own path through your wedding ceremony, I believe in the power of a truly fabulous ensemble. Here are my trend predictions for our Big Gay Wedding Season:
UPGRADE A CLASSIC
Look, I have a confession: I cry every time I see a dyke in a tux. Is a wedding happening in the background? You bet. We might live amongst our chosen family in a beautiful queertopia, but the rest of the world is still out there. Do what you want and wear what you want, it doesn’t mean it’s conventional and you’re not selling out for being a dyke in a tux. You are adorable and it’s your day, damn it. Upgrades include (but are NEVER limited to): two babes in tuxes, two babes in wedding dresses, not apologizing, pompadours, flagging with your pocket square, not playing the Macarena.
HIGH FASHION FREAKSHOW
On the flipside of things, y’all already know how much respect I have for your outfits. It puts an extra strut in my step to see you out and about in a one-of-a-kind look. Sure, weddings are often giant displays of affection, but does that mean you can’t also walk down the aisle in a little something that will make your ex’s knees wobbly? I didn’t think so! Life’s a catwalk, darling, and the aisle is no exception. Here are a few ideas I’d like to see spring up this wedding season: flowers glued to your face, glitter in your beards, strong silhouettes, not apologizing, less white, and more prints. And I mean would it kill you to get married in a crop top? Jeez.
PARENTS JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND
(aka, How to Elope in Style)
First off, my condolences if your family doesn’t approve of your lifestyle/loved ones/all of that messy stuff. But you’re awesome, and I’m pretty sure someone famous once said, “Wearing the fiercest outfit is the best revenge.” Time to let ‘em have it, homos. Get married by Elvis, buy out the glitter aisle and douse yourself in it, wear a sequined veil, wear stilettos, don’t apologize. Take lots of pictures and make everyone really jealous. Keep one of those cute ropes you used to climb out of your window handy; you will use it again.
BE MY GUEST
Speaking of jealous, what do the rest of us queerdos wear to a wedding? Do we tone it down for straight weddings? Do we turn it up for gay weddings? Or just the opposite? That’s all entirely up to you and what you feel comfortable with. Were you asked to be in your family member’s wedding this year, and asked to wear something that doesn’t represent your gender identity? Are you scared to go to your ex’s wedding, even though you guys are “totally friends now”? I feel you, honey. All I can say is, we weren’t put here to make other people people feel more comfy about who we are and how we live. If you ultimately decide to stand your ground and wear what you want, that’s great. If you end up coming to a compromise or bowing out completely, that’s cool too. I encourage you to provide yourself with the armor of your best outfit. It really can help. Don’t be afraid to shine, strut, and sparkle. It’s a celebration, after all. (Though I personally like to wear all black to weddings to mourn the death of my single friends. But you do you.)
Congratulations on your big gay day! Let me know what you’re wearing in the comments (online), or via email: [email protected] Add “Turn a Look” to the subject line.
Sally Mulligan is a fat femme sissy who has lived in Portland for almost five years. She gets paid to tell jokes sometimes, and designs clothes when she can. Don’t ask her about her sewing machine, she can’t use it. Don’t ask her about her banjo…or her guitar. She can’t play them. Definitely ask about her dog, or if she wants a drink.