The Tasmanian Dater

By Ginger Millay, PQ Monthly

I enter a room dressed to the nines, a whirlwind of smiles and stories, curtsies and crude jokes. Is it any surprise that I am fantastic at getting dates? It isn’t because I am the hottest, smartest or most successful person out there. I don’t use any online dating services. I do have an active social life and am polyamorous, so when I see someone I’m interested in, I go for the most direct opening possible: You’re Cute. Wanna Make Out?

Snark all you want, I date more than anyone I know, hence my Tasmanian Dater status. Say what you will about my approach, this one simple, zealous line has had a 95 percent success rate. Really. I’ve been doing it for years. Unless someone is in a relationship that will not allow it, or is not at all open to kissing ladies, we’re making out two seconds later (that first second is for them to process that yes, I did just say that).

It’s all in the friendly tone & relaxed confidence. More “Hey, why not?” less “Please dear lord, someone pay attention to me!!!” Sometimes my intended will give me a response: “Really?” “Well, I’m straight…” “Well, I’m gay…” to which I simply counter with “yep,” “’k,” or “so…?” A kiss can be as easy and casual as a handshake. Even if we are never going to take it any further than that, it’s a pretty damn fun way to meet a friend.

If my target is a good kisser and is interested, then we’ll chat, dance, etc. If they are cool, boom! We make a date! If, however, they are interested but not a good kisser, at least I already know. This approach cuts out that bummer moment when you first kiss that hot, funny, smart person only to find out that they smooch like a ravenous pit bull.

“Doesn’t this method require some serious chutzpah?” you ask.  Sure, it takes chutzpah, but why wait for someone to approach you? They aren’t mind readers. Pull on your big-kid undies and go for it.

My super direct approach takes some guts, but the results are magnificent. Lest you think it only works for random hook-ups, I’ll have you know I met the last several people I seriously dated in this manner. It’s just a way to get your foot in the door, like passing a “Do you like me?” note in elementary school. Everything beyond that is up to you. But it sure is memorable, and confidence is goddamn sexy.

I’ve actually gotten to the point that I dislike it when people hit on me, because if I were interested, I would have already approached them. My sister tells me that my forwardness only works ‘cause I mostly hit on women, and the men I like are pussies, but I think that’s a huge load of gender normative pony dung. If a guy isn’t comfortable enough with himself to handle a woman being the aggressor, I certainly won’t be interested in him.

I have also found that the more butch a woman is, the more thrown she is by my direct approach. I am always surprised just how shocked some chicks are that an uber-femme in a vintage dress in hitting on them so bluntly. But I am! And I ain’t just dabblin’, darlin’! It’s kind of wild just how ingrained the butch/femme dynamic is in our culture. We’re both women, who cares how we choose to present ourselves? I’m out to shift this paradigm. Care to join me? We have cookies!

Ultimately, sure, my being a cute, friendly girl may be a big factor in my doing so well employing this method. I’ve never been anything else, so I can’t really say, but I truly believe anyone can reap the benefits of being direct.

There are caveats, of course. This approach can very go wrong if you are too aggressive. You can creep people out or just come off crazy. If you read intimidating, you put both yourself and you’re intended in an uncomfortable situation, so take a deep breath. Relax. Smile. Think of bouncy castles and sweet, gentle kisses. Be lighthearted, playful. Just be yourself, plus a what-the-hell attitude and shot of good ol’ fashioned Fonzie confidence. So what if someone turns you down? At least you gave it a go. The more you try it, the more you’ll believe in yourself. The Tasmanian Dater abides.

You’re cute, and someone totally wants to make out with you. Go for what you want and enjoy!