It Wouldn’t Be A Proper Natural Disaster Without Someone Blaming “Isaac” on the Gays

By Daniel Borgen, PQ Monthly

It’s been a hell of a week in political-and-religious-land. When it comes to the GOP and their sweet conventions, the two often stroll down the street together arm in arm. With VP nominee Paul Ryan likening our lives to “dull, adventure-less journeys from one entitlement to the next” in a country “where everything is free but us” and setting incredible new standards in outright lying and Clint Eastwood awkwardly lecturing chairs on stages, there’s been plenty of forehead-slapping and moaning (not the good kind) the whole country over.

Here’s one you may have missed! Gays brought Hurricane Isaac upon the Gulf Coast, according to Buster Wilson’s American Family Association. Specifically, this time, it’s Southern Decadence (gay Mardis Gras), that’s provoked the wrath of God. From The¬†Advocate:

“Buster Wilson said there seems to be a pattern of LGBT-welcoming places like New Orleans and San Francisco experiencing frequent natural disasters such as hurricanes on the Gulf Coast and ‘the most devastating earthquakes in American history,’ respectively.

Defend & Proclaim the Faith’s Pastor John McTernan wrote Monday that the hurricane’s landfall and the scheduling of Southern Decadence is no coincidence. ‘Isaac, of course, is a biblical name meaning laughter,’ he wrote. ‘The fact the events are seven years apart is very significant as this number is biblically important. It is the number of completion: God created the universe in seven days. The church, city and nation have not repented and the homosexual agenda is far worse than it was in 2005.'”

No word from this trusted, scholarly academic on what exactly God is “completing” with Isaac.

(Pleased to be taking a moment to digest that line: “the fact that the events are seven years apart is very significant as this number is biblically important.”)

Another typically outspoken critic of Southern Decadence: the Reverend Grant Storms. But he was was convicted of indecent exposure after being caught masturbating in public.¬†In front of children. So he doesn’t have as much to say as he used to. (Anti-showing off your junk in public unless it’s your own junk? It’s confusing, we know.) Be careful, Buster Wilson, we’re watching you.

Regardless, we think it’s time queers harness our clearly formidable nature-manipulating powers (earthquakes and hurricanes!) and direct the wrath of God somewhere else. Any ideas?

And speaking of the queer agenda (remember: McTernan says it’s “far worse” than in 2005, whatever the hell that means), be sure to do something extra gay this weekend. (Hint: Maricon, Bridge Club, La Femme, Divas.) In honor of Southern Decadence–and all the bigots who might get caught with their pants down.