By Marco Davis, PQ Monthly Coastal Correspondent
“I was at work, sitting on the toilet, thinking that in just another week it will be the second longest I’ve ever dated anyone, 4 months. I’m 46. The phone rings, my man, that was what his caller id was. I am a romantic. He broke up with me over the phone while I was on the toilet. I just flushed it away, cleaned up and got on with the day.”
I had decided, actually my body did first, last January that I was going to give myself a break from everything and just rest and heal. I have been going non-stop my whole life; I just can’t help it, I have boundless energy and I’m full of crazy ideas I always manage to bring to life. As I’ve been reflecting on the year, I had a memory pop into my head of a dream I had back in 96 (which was also an incredible year for me).
I am in the doctors office waiting for him to look at the wart on my left big toe. It was causing me incredible pain and keeping me from being able to move around and live my life. The doctor was exquisite looking, I do have a very active imagination and dream life, and so attentive as he was examining my left big toe. He looks at me with his big beautiful blue eyes and says, ” Mr. Davis, you don’t have a wart on your left big toe, your drain is just clogged.”
I stare at him blankly. He nods and all of a sudden we are standing inside my left big toe, only it is a utility room that is bare except for a big drain in the center of the room. He hands me a big plunger and I start plunging. What the hell am I doing? Plunging a drain in a room in my left big toe?
The ground began to shake. A deep rumble started its escape from some place deep within me. The plunger was knocked out of my hand from the violence in the room. A longtime customer from the Columbian Cafe is standing in the doorway criticizing me, telling me I’m doing it wrong just like I do with everything. Just badgering me. As he is going off, the clog erupts knocking me down and splattering my waste all over his face and chest knocking him out into the street.
I scramble out of he room to see if he was fine. What I find, is that I am standing on an old cobblestone street in Europe, but all the people there are all people I know from all of the worlds I keep separate in my waking life.
Another explosion and glitter and gold dust poof out of the room and what follows are all of my designs of costumes, dances I’ve choreographed in my mind. Visions of food, me as a fool, as a queen, words I have written, songs I have sung in my soul but never shared; all these things floating out the door and down the street for all to see like the floats in a parade. People are looking, confused as to what is happening and I’m scrambling around nervous about all my dreams being seen, and totally relieved at the same time.
I remember waking sweaty and out of breath and knowing that I had unlocked something deep within me. I started living my life a bit truer after that.
This full memory got triggered as I was having a pedicure the other day and as the gold polish that I have had on my toes for months was removed, I was horrified to see I had nail fungus on my left big toe! Guess I should remove my polish more frequently.
I’ve just needed the gold polish so much! It has been one of those years. I’ve been laid up and missed so much work and life that the polish made me happy as I would by laying on the couch, or on the floor, in between episodes of anything that would distract me from the pain. That polish gave me hope for a better day.
I really did have a lot of good days this past year. I mean, for taking a year off to heal. I managed to throw 2 drag me out dance parties at the Astoria Arts and Movement Center, host 3 other dances there, do multiple farm food experiences out on 46 North Farm. Cook dinner for 70 for the Farm to Fork cooking class I did with the with the Astoria Coop and Columbia Memorial Hospital. Throw my big DRAGALUTION show in August; become Chair of our newly formed Lower Columbia Q Center, host monthly gay skate nights, organize the first Sunday in the Park with Art: a hike art experience at Fort Clatsop National Historical Park, and try dating again!
Dating and I are just such a strange thing. I’m sure it has to be me. I think I’m just too freaky. Others say I’m ‘intimidating’… I don’t know.
I had taken a 7-year break from dating, I do that. And it seems like every 7 years I give the old dating thing a try.. This one was interesting. He had contacted me via Facebook. He had seen Dragalution last year and was curious about if I was doing it again. I mentioned the drag it out dance party I was doing instead. These came about because I do a big show for my birthday at the end of January and since I wasn’t doing that I thought I’d host a big dance party and do a few numbers too; I just never quit.
I told him if he came to introduce himself. He did and he did. He was adorable and so meek and innocent. I was in a state. I was in the middle of a gout attack and having to be dressed up and not have my heels on annoyed me more than anything. I have my standards and I was unable to meet them. Because of that, and the fact I was hosting the party, I didn’t get to actually feel him out.
I reached out to him after the party asking if he would like to meet up for a drink. Our first date was at the Voodoo Room, my second home. He was even more handsome than I had recalled. Turns out he was new to everything. Bisexual and curious. Had never done anything with a man before.
I did something not typical of Marco on a date, I took it easy and wasn’t too aggressive (wink), by aggressive I mean I tried not to go into any long winded monologs. It happens when I’m nervous, I also fidget with things (we call it sugar bowling at my house), and my eyes roll back in my head from time to time as I force the breaks on my energetic soul.
We still made out, but it wasn’t in the bar; it was in the street.
It went on like this for awhile; he would come up to Astoria on the weekends and we would explore. It was a first for me; he was into me. I mean he really liked to study me!! And he always held my hand, which was so sweet. I could t believe how utterly happy I was! It was happening. I was falling in love.
I was at work, sitting on the toilet, thinking that in just another week it will be the second longest I’ve ever dated anyone, 4 months. I’m 46. The phone rings, my man, that was what his caller ID was. I am a romantic. He broke up with me over the phone while I was on the toilet. I just flushed it all away, cleaned up and got on with the day.
I was bummed but not destroyed. I had prepared myself for this from the get-go. That actually caused me to be more involved in the relationship. He helped me see myself for the first time since ’96. I appreciate him for that.
My dad said,” I knew he wouldn’t last, he was so jealous of all the attention you get and give in the community.” He went on,” we can’t help it, we are a huggable and loving family.” Ain’t that the truth.
We are known for our hugs. That, and always being ready to pose for a photo. I’m just repeating what I’ve been told. In all honesty, hugs are my favorite part of my day. How many hugs do you partake in on a daily basis? That heart to heart moment is so important. I probably give no less than 10 a day, and most days it’s probably closer to 30, just depends on if I’m visible or flying under the radar. A skill I have developed over the past few years. I love being able to make it through town without anyone seeing me, and that is a feat for me.
I say all this as I realize how public my life has been this year. I believe it feels like that especially since I have been so open and honest about my struggles this year. I let people see me while I was down as well as while I was floating on cloud nine. I just let all of me be seen. And I feel good about it. I find that all of my relationships are much more honest and open and that I have discovered a deeper level of love and support from this community but also from myself, which is something I have never done.
The place I felt that the most was putting on ‘Sunday in the Park with Art’ in September. I have been doing a hike out at Fort Clatsop, the Kwis Kwis trail. It is a nice 2 mile loop and ever since the first time I hiked it, the path and the energy within it spoke to me. I saw the most incredible art hike experience happening. I dreamt of it for 3 years and asked a couple of park rangers, one evening in the Voodoo Room if something like that could happen out there and they said yes and we made it happen. It was one of the most incredible moments in my life. Seeing my vision come to life; having my friends and family join me in the forest to create this experience to share with our community. I was moved to tears more times than I care to mention. Seeing the joy on my mother’s face as she practically skipped through. Seeing families out there, many dressed in costumes and ready to embrace the magic. They saw the unicorn too and the goddess dancing on the mountain top. They felt the spirit of the forest and the love we all created in that space. As one friend mentioned,” I see the ghosts of that day when I walk the trail now.” I know what she means. I do too.
And now, the end is near; closing in on this year I have a heart that is so full and energy that is bursting and patience to guide me through. I love that I will be on stage as one-year closes and another begins surrounded by family and friends doing what I do best, living fully and bringing the party!!